AUTHOR

Men who have sex with men

Alcoholics Anonymous and Honesty about Same-Sex Desires

I’m very conflicted now. I am in my midsixties and have been married since I was in my early twenties. I’ve struggled with depression, alcoholism, and drugs most of my life. The first twenty-five years of my marriage were a complete nightmare for my wife—infidelity, alcohol and drugs, and all the lies and false promises I made. For several years, I have been clean and sober with the help of AA.

My wife and I haven’t had a sexual relationship in several years. I have always had a high sex drive, and one day while surfing Craigslist I decided to try having sex with a man. I did, and I liked it. Honesty is a big part of AA and for staying sober. I am hiding this, and now all I feel is shame and guilt and it has ruined my sex life. Any advice?

Thanks for contacting me. First, congratulations on your sobriety. I know how difficult that struggle is. Substance use disorders are chronic conditions, much like diabetes, that can never be cured but must be managed on a day-to-day basis. Continue reading

Making the Decision to Come Out

I’m a fifty-year-old man with two sons, ages 23 and 25.  I have struggled with my sexual desires for men for as long as I can remember, and as I get older, it seems harder and harder to resist this, but I have had only very limited experience with men.  How did you decide you are gay and what made you decide to leave your family and come out?

Leaving my wife and two young daughters was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  I struggled with the decision for many years.  The question of leaving my family and coming out or staying married and trying to repress my desires seemed to have no good answer. Continue reading

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