AUTHOR

Boomers

Despair and Loneliness after Coming Out

Dr. Olson,

I grew up in the 1950’s – 60’s. FINALLY OUT resonated with me because I grew up in the insularity of a rural environment. I was ignorant of homosexuality also. I am now in my sixties and I feel lonely and in despair.  After 30 years of marriage, I came out to my wife. I have struggled to find a good therapist who can understand what I’ve been going through. 

Most of the gay literature focuses on the coming out process for young gay men and women.  Are there any that describe the trials of coming out as an older man?

I am concerned about your “lonely despair.”  Even at your age, it is possible to successfully get through this process of coming out.  In my research, the oldest man I came across was in his nineties when he came out, and he was living with his gay lover when I met him.  The most important thing for you to do today, however, isn’t to be seeking a lover, but finding friends, gay or straight, who accept you as you now have revealed yourself to your wife, but also, more importantly, to yourself. Continue reading

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