Dr. Olson,
I’m very new to all of this. In fact, I’ve never been with a man sexually, although I’ve thought about it for a long time. I find myself vacillating between excitement and nervousness over the anticipation. I made eye contact with someone at the gym today but wasn’t sure what to do next. I’m considering a weekend at a clothing optional resort, hoping to explore the gay community a bit more. I’m looking for one that isn’t too seedy but one where I can have some good conversations with other like-minded men.
Of course, you’re nervous as well as excited. All very normal. Cruising goes on everywhere. Eyes meet, when a glance is held for a bit longer than the look between heterosexual men. It’s the initial communication of some interest. Once you’re aware of it, you become a participant without even intending to. It’s a learned response, and once learned, it never goes away. All it means is that you’ve developed some comfort in looking at another man. Heterosexual men are usually uncomfortable with it and will look away quickly.