Hello,
Dr. Olson!
I
am in my early thirties, and I came out about a year ago after years of
casually dating women while having discreet sexual encounters with men much,
much older than me. Since coming out, I have tried to date guys closer to my
own age but have found that the sexual attraction just isn’t there for me.
I
am grappling with the fact that my desires are what they are and trying to
reconcile them with expectations for where I want to be in my own life, how I
present myself to others, and my fear of judgment from friends and family.
Why
don’t I feel the same attraction to guys closer to my own age than I do to guys
20–30+ years older than me? How could a 65-year-old man and I possibly live
every day together? I feel that I should be seeking a more “practical” lifelong
partner. We are so vastly different in terms of schedule and lifestyle. These
are the questions I ask myself.
This is an important question and one I am asked about frequently. First, loving another person is never practical. Our attraction to another is not a rational process but happens due to forces outside of our consciousness and control.
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