Gay Priest

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Dr. Olson, I am a fifty-year-old Roman Catholic priest in a small parish in Nebraska. I entered the seminary during my third year in high school. I knew even then that I was attracted to men. Becoming a priest and committing to celibacy was my way of dealing with my fears of going to hell. … Read more

Daughter with Bisexual Classmate

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What advice would you give to a parent whose daughter comes home and says there is a girl in her fifth grade class that says she is bisexual? I had no idea I was anything at that age. Time seems to have passed me by! Fr. Pat Dear Fr. Pat, Most of us didn’t have … Read more

The Ups and Downs of Cam Chatting

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Dr. Olson, I’m a sixty-eight-year-old gay man, and I find it difficult to masturbate without some visual stimulation. It seems to work best when I do C2C [cam chatting] with someone else. Maybe it’s an effect of the internet, but sexual fantasies alone are not enough. Is there something wrong with me? Cam Fan   … Read more

When Coming Out Inadvertently Outs Someone Else

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Dr. Olson, For over twenty years, my best friend and I were secret lovers. I was with him and his family when he died of cancer. He was married, bisexual, and deeply closeted. He felt his life would be ruined if his bisexuality became known. He was a well-known person in our small, urban community. … Read more

What People Don’t Know about Age-Gap Relationships

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Dr. Olson, I don’t have a question, only a comment or two. I just read “The Curse of an Attraction to Older Gay Men” in Psychology Today regarding age and sexuality. To be completely frank, I was trying to find daddy porn and stumbled across it. The common themes you were talking about in the … Read more

Penis Size and Ejaculatory Problems

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Dr. Olson,

I am in my early forties, and I’ve never had sex except to masturbate. Is it normal to cum too fast? I cum in about five minutes. What is the average size of a dick if you don’t mind my asking? I am just admitting I am gay, and I get nervous around guys because I get aroused quickly. 

Since I often write about sex, two questions about men frequently appear in my inbox: (1) How big is the average dick? and (2) What is the average length of time it takes to cum? We can separate the question about cumming into two issues: young men want to slow it down, and older men want to speed it up.

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Intermittent or Event-Driven Truvada for HIV Prevention

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Hi Dr. Olson,

I’ve been on Truvada for about three years. Occasionally, I stop taking it when I’m not sexually active. I’ve stopped for as long as three months and then started back up again. My doctor says this is fine but I’ve heard from sex partners this approach lowers the efficacy. Your thoughts?

First, I must tell you I am not an expert in the prescribing of Truvada, so I consulted with some doctors who are.

Intermittent use of Truvada is called event-driven pre-exposure prophylaxis (ED-PrEP), and it has proven highly effective in reducing HIV men who have sex with men (MSM) who engage in anal intercourse (receptive or insertive sex). It is an alternative to daily PrEP dosing for some men. At this time, the data are only available for Truvada; data are not yet in for Descovy. But you need to know more.

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Why Am I Afraid to Have Sex?

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Dr. Olson,

I’m in my mid-60s, and I’ve been out since my mid-20s. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. In fact, I’ve had relatively little sexual activity during my life, but not for lack of desire. 

In looking over the occasions when I have had sex, I can’t think of one that was a positive experience. I’m fearful, anxious, and self-conscious to the point that I (and probably the other guy) do not have a good time. 

I’m grateful that I’ve never had erectile dysfunction, but I typically stay hard for a long time without having an orgasm. 

The first time I had sex, I caught gonorrhea. Another time, I had a panic attack the day after sex because I was so scared of having been exposed to HIV, but I wasn’t. 

I want to have an enduring, romantic, and monogamous relationship with another man. For me, that means I have to first establish a substantial emotional connection so that I can feel “safe” enough to have sex with a guy.

But how realistic is that at my age and with my sexual history?

I’ll answer your last question first: you are never too old to have sex. Men can remain sexually active well into late life, and your life expectancy is at least fifteen years, possibly much longer. Your age and sexual history should not discourage you from seeking a satisfying sexual relationship with a partner. So let’s talk about your other concerns. 

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