Daughter with Bisexual Classmate

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What advice would you give to a parent whose daughter comes home and says there is a girl in her fifth grade class that says she is bisexual? I had no idea I was anything at that age. Time seems to have passed me by! Fr. Pat Dear Fr. Pat, Most of us didn’t have … Read more

The Ups and Downs of Cam Chatting

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Dr. Olson, I’m a sixty-eight-year-old gay man, and I find it difficult to masturbate without some visual stimulation. It seems to work best when I do C2C [cam chatting] with someone else. Maybe it’s an effect of the internet, but sexual fantasies alone are not enough. Is there something wrong with me? Cam Fan   … Read more

Penis Size and Ejaculatory Problems

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Dr. Olson,

I am in my early forties, and I’ve never had sex except to masturbate. Is it normal to cum too fast? I cum in about five minutes. What is the average size of a dick if you don’t mind my asking? I am just admitting I am gay, and I get nervous around guys because I get aroused quickly. 

Since I often write about sex, two questions about men frequently appear in my inbox: (1) How big is the average dick? and (2) What is the average length of time it takes to cum? We can separate the question about cumming into two issues: young men want to slow it down, and older men want to speed it up.

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Intermittent or Event-Driven Truvada for HIV Prevention

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Hi Dr. Olson,

I’ve been on Truvada for about three years. Occasionally, I stop taking it when I’m not sexually active. I’ve stopped for as long as three months and then started back up again. My doctor says this is fine but I’ve heard from sex partners this approach lowers the efficacy. Your thoughts?

First, I must tell you I am not an expert in the prescribing of Truvada, so I consulted with some doctors who are.

Intermittent use of Truvada is called event-driven pre-exposure prophylaxis (ED-PrEP), and it has proven highly effective in reducing HIV men who have sex with men (MSM) who engage in anal intercourse (receptive or insertive sex). It is an alternative to daily PrEP dosing for some men. At this time, the data are only available for Truvada; data are not yet in for Descovy. But you need to know more.

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Why Am I Afraid to Have Sex?

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Dr. Olson,

I’m in my mid-60s, and I’ve been out since my mid-20s. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. In fact, I’ve had relatively little sexual activity during my life, but not for lack of desire. 

In looking over the occasions when I have had sex, I can’t think of one that was a positive experience. I’m fearful, anxious, and self-conscious to the point that I (and probably the other guy) do not have a good time. 

I’m grateful that I’ve never had erectile dysfunction, but I typically stay hard for a long time without having an orgasm. 

The first time I had sex, I caught gonorrhea. Another time, I had a panic attack the day after sex because I was so scared of having been exposed to HIV, but I wasn’t. 

I want to have an enduring, romantic, and monogamous relationship with another man. For me, that means I have to first establish a substantial emotional connection so that I can feel “safe” enough to have sex with a guy.

But how realistic is that at my age and with my sexual history?

I’ll answer your last question first: you are never too old to have sex. Men can remain sexually active well into late life, and your life expectancy is at least fifteen years, possibly much longer. Your age and sexual history should not discourage you from seeking a satisfying sexual relationship with a partner. So let’s talk about your other concerns. 

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Love Affair between an Arab and a Jew

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My name is A, and I am a twenty-eight-year-old Arab Muslim Palestinian. I come from a society that will never accept I am  gay. I am well educated, successful, and I speak four languages. Social media has made it easier for me to chat with friends from all over the world. A few months ago, I met a sixty-five-year-old Jewish man from Israel online, which further complicates our relationship. I have fallen in love with him. I have never felt toward another man the way I feel toward him. We have managed to meet a few times, but it is very hard. I don’t want to get married to a woman.

I have three problems: (1) I am from Palestine and he is from Israel; (2) I cannot tell my family about this relationship, and it would be difficult to meet him in another country without some explanation to them; and (3) I have been thinking of ending my business to move somewhere so I can be with this man. I would like to hear your opinion on my situation.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know that even telling me this involves some risk to you. I frequently hear from others who live in cultures hostile to homosexuality, particularly Muslims and Arabs from the Middle East; however, your situation has some unique circumstances. Even here in the United States, where same-sex marriage is legal, some men are caught in the crucible with the volatile elements of culture, religion, and sexuality.

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